Dating within the aa program


17-Feb-2020 19:56

I am in a position of strength now because I get to choose who I want in my life and let them prove to me if they are worth it more than me just latching on to someone cuz I thought I had to have a relationship. I look way better, am much more stable, and am way more capable of attracting better looking and saner people at 38 and sober 2 years than I was at 36 and sober 2 months.Mark Like Happycamper said, the "no life changing decisions" thing doesn't come from AA. I know what I was like my first year, and can't even begin to imagine making life changing decisions with my head still in the fog.In those 3.5 years I learned all about myself and learned to love, trust, depend, and take care of myself.I learned to have a full life (as in "get a life") and this put me in a position of strength when it came time to date instead of coming from a position of weakness and neediness.I sounds like God has given you a perfect opportunity to be alone so you can focus on the program making some true friends, learning to be unselfish and become part of a group. Yes I also didn;t date, I married every girl I was ever with, except the ones I would wake up with "literally out of state!!Over the years, I have noticed that the people who stay sober go to a lot of meetings, get active in groups, work on themselves, adhere to the common advice and make sobriety their #1 priority. I was married for the 3rd time when I surrendered in "84 and God had sent me my "angel" to share my life with. first off, I know the AA recommendation about not dating during your first year of sobriety. :) My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago (completely amicable, he moved to Chicago to start grad school and the distance just became unsustainable, I live in San Francisco). He's great, seems very stable and self-aware, he doesn't drink (not in the program but just chooses not to).My ex has been great and supportive, he was also in the program and recently shared with me some of the things that went wrong in the disastrous relationship he got into at 3 months sober -- being overly vulnerable, got attached too quickly, and lost focus on himself and his recovery, as a way of helping me know what pitfalls to look out for.

That meant listening with an open mind, and believing that people were giving me suggestions that really worked.New ppl are vulnerable and when they take the focus off their sobriety, and put more effort into pursuing the opposite sex there is usually trouble.



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